Saturday, September 22, 2012

Should I or Shouldn't I....Date?

I was 15 months into widowhood. My girlfriends were my source of friendship and socializing. Up to now, I had no intentions of getting remarried, or to even go on a date. My friend Lisa introduced me to a single man and a group of us went out for lunch. I was only interested at this time to have a friendship with a male.

About a month after our group lunch, this man asked me to get together for July 4th. At first I agreed, but as the day got closer, I cancelled. That would've been too much like a date! I couldn't do it. What do other widows do in this situation? I decided to read about other widows' experiences with this topic.

I read about a widow that was 30 years older than me. It was interesting to find out that she did not rely on the Lord like I had, but instead used resources such as support groups. I realized that regardless of how we each worked through grief, we still had similar feelings.

This woman told of one of her first dates on July 4th, in her 15th month of widowhood. As she nervously prepared, she yearned not only for finding a male friend but also to have more physical contact. I was also going into my 15th month and how coincidental that I could go out on my first date on July 4th. I really just wanted some attention from a male and have a male friend. Nothing more.

The following day, I called my "male friend" and told him I'd get together with him for July 4th. "Great, let me take you out to dinner." I accepted his offer. Suddenly, I felt this would be more than just a friendship dinner. It was going to be a date. Should I or shouldn't I? It was a little bit too late to back out. There was something inside me that felt excited about it. I couldn't believe I was going through with it!

Life quickly got more complicated. I recently said I didn't want to date. No one was ever going to take Nelson's place so why would I even date anyone. But I also liked the attention I was receiving from this man. What was so wrong with that since we were just friends? Couldn't we remain friends? So if we were just friends going out to dinner, would this actually be a DATE??? Any comments?

2 comments:

Big Momma said...

It's complicated our hearts! Your statement "No one was ever going to take Nelson's place so why would I even date anyone?" Well I'm a widow remarried. My DH2 is not a substitute nor does he take DH1 place. I still grieve for DH1 but I have the capacity to love DH2. Why date again? Because I have love in my heart to give. http://www.familyis.org/widower-widow-remarried-25/grieving-remarriage-372/

Cindy Adams said...

I agree, Big Momma:) It took a few years to get to that place. This post happened a while back. Since then, I too, am remarried. I will come check out your website!! Thanks for your comment:)