I was going on four months of being a widow. The numbness was beginning to wear off. I didn't want the pain to surface so I did it my way. I ran from it as long as I could. I ran faster and faster until my world crashed! Like being thrown from a Merry-Go-Round ride, I now sat on the ground stunned. My world was still spinning and I sat waiting for my equilibrium to return. I had to pick myself up and make a decision of what to do next.
So what were my options? I very well could have got back on my ride. Picking a drink up, or a couple, would have helped ease the pain and cover up some embarrassment. But I couldn't do this to my daughters anymore. Here they were without a father, and were basically without a mother for the past 4 months. I had to find it within me to get a grip. But I couldn't do it on my own. I needed God's help and I needed to surrender to His will. I knew that deep down life would go a lot smoother and easier if I could trust God with my whole heart. He'd help me get back on track. And it was time to grieve.
I surrender, God. I'm ready to work through grief. I trust that you'll take care of me and my family.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28)
This was a promise I made to my children. They needed at least a mother to be there for them. It wasn't just about ME! I had sacrifices to make and was determined that all three of us had to survive grief.