Saturday, October 29, 2011

Widow's Guilt.....What if??

What if... I had called the doctor like he asked?

"Cindy, can you call the doctor and see if he can get me in tomorrow morning before I leave for my business trip?" my husband asked. "I'm not feeling well. I'm starting to get a bad cold and cough. Maybe he can give me something before I get too sick."
I agreed I would call. It was February. We lived in sunny, warm, Florida at the time, however, his trip was in Pennsylvania and the weather would be very cold that time of year.

I remembered to make my hair appt. for the following day. But, I felt terrible that evening when my husband asked if I had made the doctor's appt. Oh, oh!! I had totally forgotten!!

So the next day, off to frigid PA he flew. His cold and cough got worse. He suffered for a week until he came home. I had suggested he see a doctor in PA, but he decided to wait. By the time he got back, he was very sick. He was allergic to some of the meds the doctor prescribed and he continued to get worse. By the beginning of April he was in the hospital with pnuemonia. He never pulled through and died on April 13th.

What if I had called the doctor the day he asked me to? What if he got some meds before his trip? Would he have lived??

Well if you believe what God says in the Bible, I don't think he would have lived a day longer. In Psalm 139:16 it states, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

I have erased all guilt. I have let go because I had no control over what was meant to happen.  Can you erase yours? Do you think you had control over what happened to your loved one?


Carol Scibelli said...

No guilt here...hey, I didn't kill more than you killed your husband. He was not a child...he could have made his own doctor appointment. Only he knew how sick he felt. He also could have postponed his trip or as you advised, see a doctor in Philly.
Glad you have this attitude.
My husband was very overweight and I was always relieved that his death from cancer was not related to his weight...but if it was I was not force feeding him...was I?
Weird, but my husband also died on April 13th...2006.
Oh...thanks for the follow on twitter...will follow you, too.

Cindy Adams said...

Thanks Carol for sharing. That is weird...April 13th. Mine was 1995. Doesn't seem that long ago! I think a lot of widows struggle with guilt. I'm glad you have the same attitude as I do. Thanks for the comment:)