Look How Far I've Come. What Next?

Since this past January, I've shared with you my first year of widowhood. Which also meant, living through the hardest part of grief. It was all about me and trying to see through the fog that had engulfed me. It was like, I couldn't really see where I was going. I made some wrong turns, went off course, (sometimes waaaaayyyyyy off course), got back on track, then stumbled on my way again.

Looking back, part 1 of my journey was over. It was similar to walking through the thickest part of the forest and I was beginning to see light filtering through the trees. I still had a ways to go as I continued on. I had to make a new life in part 2. This required accepting I was a widow. Hated that word! I preferred to think of myself as an independent woman that had an agenda to pursue.

In pursuing new goals and dreams, there were new awakenings that caught me off guard. I began making new friends but ran into problems when I not only made new girlfriends, but wanted male friends, too. This became very confusing. So then began new experiences of dating, a vulnerable situation, new male relationships, and what to do with my rings.

And just like I had no idea what to do in the first steps of being a widow, the second part felt just as foreign. Please continue my journey with me as I figure out where I want to go in life. How do I make new dreams? What kind of goals is God leading me to? What are my new priorities in life? And how do I reach the completion of grief and go beyond to find abundant joy and purpose?

I do confess that by this time, in my second year, I'm trying to follow God's plan for my life. And where I end up, I couldn't have been happier or more purpose filled. You'll soon find out that I've written a book and I'm currently in the process of getting it published. Again, it's all in God's timing.

Stay tuned next week for the beginning of part 2 of the new challenges I had to face. You can also type in your e-mail address (see blog's right side) and automatically get my blog posts e-mailed to you every week. Also, please join my site if you're able to. This shows me who stops by and reads my posts. That means a lot to me:) 

2 Widow's Pursuits Down- 1 More to Go

About 2 years into widowhood, 1997, I began to accept the fact, that my husband was no longer my husband, and the dreams and goals I had for us no longer existed. So I had to formulate new goals. These were my top 3:

1) Raising my daughters (Completed)
2) Going back to school for a second career (Completed)
3) Writing a book that there's more to life than grief  (In Process)

I enjoyed being a hairdresser, but the job required more nights and weekends than I was willing to work as a single parent. As I healed from grief, I realized that I wanted to help others with their struggles so I went back to school to become a social worker. I completed my first pursuit in 2010. Yes, it took 13 yrs to complete my master's degree and pass my LMSW exam! This past year in 2011, I began my social work career as a medical social worker in a home health agency. I love it!

Now for raising my daughters!! I'm not sure which pursuit required more sacrifices! I read that children took on the average, 4 and a half years to grieve the loss of a parent. In our 3rd year, when my daughters were 8 and 9 years old, we moved to Puerto Rico and lived with my in-laws for a year. I wanted them to have a strong bond with their father's family. I moved for them. Not that I didn't enjoy living on an island for a year, but I had to place other goals on hold that I wanted to pursue.

Then there were the rebellious and teenage years! Ahhh!! On several occasions my oldest daughter ran away from home. And on several occasions I threatened her that I would send her back to live in Puerto Rico. Many times, I counted the days until my youngest would turn 18 years old. I thought on that magic day, my parental responsibilities would end. My friends told me this wasn't true. They were right. It took my girls to be 22 and 24 years old, before I could say I was done!

I believe that one of my purposes here on earth, having been blessed to have children, is to raise them and prepare them for God's kingdom. It took until last week, January 8, 2012, for the last of my 2 children to go to church, ON THEIR OWN, and finally realize the importance of a relationship with Jesus. My second pursuit completed! Whew! That wasn't an easy one!!

Now I'm working on my last pursuit. I have the desire to share my story with other widows. It hasn't been an easy journey, but with God's help and guidance, there was so much more hope for my future. I've written my book, now I'm in the publication process. Our sermon last week, from Andy Stanley, pastor from North Point Community Church couldn't have said it better. He asked us what our "One Thing in 2012" was, that we should not be distracted from completing. A verse he quoted from the Bible to help us focus was from Nehemiah 6:3..."I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down."